Stop Yelling @ Me !: 2015

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Bang Bang...

Bang bang, she shot me down...
Bang bang, I hit the ground...
Bang bang, that awful sound...
Bang bang, my baby shot me down...

SNL and Lorne Michaels' Pimping His Cameo Whores...

...is insulting to the remaining audience that really cares while admitting the actual audience is made up of shiny-object-distracted clap-tards.

Saturday, October 31, 2015

(sigh)

Did anyone else find a butt-load of smoke and mirrors blocking their view as they tried to watch this piece of animated bull-shit?

Fuck me. Why have the last few years of Pixar seemed like one gigantic con?

Today I Saw a Hipster Mom...

The hipster mom looked like this...

Her son looked like this...

His name was "Otis" because of course it was.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Choose Your Own Caption!

A: (while rubbing your temples) "Oh for fuck's sake!"

B: "They made this movie again?" (throw remote at TV)

C: (sigh) "Who wants to stay home and watch the 'Tosh.0' marathon?"

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Be Careful What You Wish For, Cubs Fans...

If you all remember, the Red Sox curse was the heart of that team. With the curse they were the beloved underdogs of MLB. Without the curse they were just another team that's won some World Series. The day after the Sox finally won, in 2004, you could almost feel the collective "Oh Shit, NOW what?" gasp escape from the fans. As if the Cure started dressing like Doug Henning and multiple generations of Goths no longer had an identity.

And when they won again in 2007 every Sox fan struggled to find some pathetic handicap to clutch on to. "Yes, yes, the Red Sox finally broke their curse and won the World Series (twice?! Shit!) but... but... um... let us think here for a second... We've got it! It's been 90+ years since they've won the World Series AT HOME!!! Praise Jesus and the Yaz, we've NEVER WON AT HOME!!!"

And then they won at home.

Since then, the Red Sox are just another baseball team, with as much magic and nostalgia as the San Diego Padres.

(Speaking of which, remember when the Cubs met the Padres in the 1984 NLCS and everyone was misty-eyed about how since the Cubs hadn't been skilled enough to earn a World Series berth since 1908, they should simply be handed the slot in the Championships... I mean, these are our beloved Cubbies and the Padres are an expansion team from (blerg!) San Diego?! There were entire television segments dedicated to the idea that Wrigley Field would (finally) have to add night-lights. (Jesus Christ, it's 1984! Nobody would think it was "adorable" if the Indianapolis 500 raced steam wagons!)

It was obvious that god himself meant for the Cubs to go to the World Series!

And then the Padres started doing things like stealing home and catching the ball behind their backs and shit like that? And then the Padres were the team that dared pull the World Series rug from under the Cubs? And then the Cubs ended up sucking San Diego's balls? Heh, heh, heh. Good times.)