Saturday, December 31, 2011

"I Used to Have Acne...

...all around my mouth -- where the microphone is -- and that's where everybody's looking," said this lady...

Friday, December 30, 2011

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Friday, December 23, 2011

You Know What...?

You know what movie is not as good as you remember it to be...?


Tuesday, December 13, 2011

When Did This Happen...?

I'm watching Conan O'Brien for the first time in a year and I'm wondering... when did Conan O'Brien become Mike Myers: he's gone from being a comedy dork who's winking at the camera about his own dorkiness to being some asshole who actually seems to believe the hype and expects us to think everything out of his mouth is due to his wonderful genius.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still on "Team Coco," just like I'll still go see "Austin Powers 4, 5, 6, & 7." I was just wondering when did this happen...?

one more time...

Thursday, December 08, 2011

This year’s (2011) Halloween turned out to be an extra special night in my neighborhood. Not only were the streets crowded with thousands of little Spidermen, eleven-year-old girls dressed like vampires/hookers and teen-aged boys who’d obviously gone to amazing effort to dress in the latest costume craze of hoodies and back-packs, but little did anyone know that one of the Greatest Halloween Treasures of All Time was circulating on our street.

After my own kids returned I rummaged through their pumpkin candy buckets. (Like Michele Bachmann’s family we use only candy buckets carved out of actual pumpkins at our house. The handles are fashioned from Nazi barbed-wire brought back from Normandy by American Veterans. Call us Traditionalists!) I sorted out all the potentially dangerous sweets which I would personally taste-test later, leaving little Signert and Gretel with the relatively safe candy-corn and circa-2006 mini tootsie rolls.

With one eye on the WWE match I’d been watching through my neighbor’s window and another on the sweets piled on our cinderblock porch (this is actually not as impressive as it sounds since after being head-slapped into the side of the Special Needs trailer at my old high-school by the team mascot, an Alaskan Brown Bear named “Dillard,” I can roll my eyes individually in more separate directions than Steve Buscemi in a strip club) I caught a glimpse of something that would change my life – and if the price is right, yours – FOREVER.

Like a plastic-wrapped Hope Diamond I held in my hand a DOUBLE-PACKED DUBBLE BUBBLE BUBBLE GUM PACK!! Instead of a single Dubble Bubble Bubble Gum Ball in the little plastic package there were TWO!! And not just a regular two. One of them was IRREGULAR!

You read right. For auction today is a completely normal Dubble Bubble Gum Ball that’s been accidentally sealed with the pieces of an irregular Dubble Bubble Gum Ball.

The normal gum ball is blue. The irregular gumball is white. It was never even colored! Who knows what flavor it might be!? (Obviously the blue gum ball is blue flavor.)

Like a double-stamped Georgia State Quarter I knew that such a confectionery rarity had to be worth it’s weight in sugar. But why would the quality control department of any responsibly run company let such a valuable object out into the open market? Last Saturday I called Concord Confectioners, Ltd of Canada (the makers of Dubble Bubble Bubble Gum) to find out the statistical chances of such an anomaly occurring and was told by a "computerized" voice machine (yeah, right -- in Canada?) that a Concord Brands representative would not be available to return my call until something called “Lundi.” The cover-up was already beginning so I knew I must be onto something and that Concord Brands probably have agents scouring the globe for this rare piece of candy.

For the safety of my family I am willing to part with what may be the “1950’s-FBI-Agent-Vs-Commie-Spies-In-A-Hunt-For-Missing-Uranium” equivalent in bubble-gum form. (There is also a chance this malformed monstrosity is god's way of telling us that Halloween is EVIL! Either way, I'm outta here!)

Packet is completely sealed in original wrapper and has NOT been tampered with in any way.

Winning Bids over $1200 (twelve hundred dollars) receive FREE SHIPPING ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD. Bids 0f $1199.99 or less pay $1 (one dollar) for shipping. Worldwide shipping cost TBD. There's no shipping to France. Good luck! (Magnifying Glass NOT included)

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Pearl Harbor Day

Glorioski, Japan! A surprise party? You shouldn't have! No, seriously, you shouldn't have.Don't worry, we'll send you a thank-you note ASAP!

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Friday, November 25, 2011

Boy oh Boy!

I went to IMDb to look up old time actress Gwen Lee (she's the blonde having dinner with Groucho at the beginning of "Night At the Opera)...She also starred in a 1932 comedy short called "Boy oh Boy!" Here's IMDb's poster for 1932's "Boy oh Boy" starring Gwen Lee...

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Monday, November 21, 2011

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Gossip Roundup...

I wish I'd written this...

"Prince Harry partied until 3 a.m. at the Tryst nightclub in Las Vegas last night, accompanied by Falstaff and nine stout men-at-arms. He "jumped on the lap of a member of his security team... got on his knees as he danced for a brunette girl at his VIP table," and even "honed in on one fellow club-goer in particular: a blonde woman dressed in a cream blouse and knee-high black skirt." What a crazy character! And the mysterious blonde? Sources tell me it was the witch Morgan Le Fay, sworn enemy of Harry's older brother William, attempting to cast a glamour on the young prince in order to claim a throne she believes is rightfully hers." (via

Friday, November 18, 2011

Friday, November 11, 2011

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Haunted November...

You know it's Ghost Autumn when the Ghost Leaves start Ghost-falling...

The Many Voices of Siri...

Happy Birthday, Marines!

Semper Fi!

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Monday, November 07, 2011

Thursday, November 03, 2011

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Friday, October 28, 2011

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Hannah von Tannah

Coming to the Disney Channel this summer!!

Monday, October 17, 2011


...has anyone ever seen Jesus and Superman together at the same time...?

Friday, October 14, 2011

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Early Friday!!

Enjoy one day early!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Antarctic Music Lover...

Husky Dogs BARK as Captain Scott plays the latest hits during his expedition to the South Pole.
"I GOTTA fight the LION!!"

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

What The Hell IS That Dang'd Thang...?!

What the hell is this thing outside Awbari, Libya?

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Friday, October 07, 2011

Sunday, October 02, 2011

In Case You Were Wondering...

...the comedy handgun is......The Luger!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Cute Puppies...!

I'm putting this here so that I don't have to see those Republitard Fuck-Nazis every time I go to my page...

Sunday, September 25, 2011


This is how stupid these frauds think you are "Real America." Come back and join us in "Actual America."

Friday, September 23, 2011

Sunday, September 18, 2011

So that guy won, and that guy won, and that other guy won, and that twat won, and that dipshit won, and that fag won, and that douche won, and that asshole won, and that cocksucker won, and those shitnips won, and that cockhole won, and that cunt-a-holic won, and that shit knicker won, etc...


Friday, September 16, 2011


Gotta go for some more...

Monday, September 12, 2011

On This Day in HISTORY...!

September 12th, 1975. After marching out of Berlin on Sept. 1, 1939, Hitler's infamous "Turtle Battalion" crosses the border into France.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Okay, People, That's Enough...

Folks, I'll do some 9/11 rememberin' with the best of them, but seriously... do we really need this? A documentary about the TWINS who lost a twin at the Twin Towers?


Friday, September 02, 2011

Tuesday, August 30, 2011


(courtesy Cedric Rainwater)

Monday, August 29, 2011

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Friday, August 26, 2011

Monday, August 15, 2011

I Watched Two Movies on Sunday...

"The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance"Which, while pretty good, wasn't as good as the reputation which preceded it...


"Anatomy of a Murder"Which kicked ASS... (and Lee Remick? Yum Yum!")

Friday, August 12, 2011

Thursday, August 11, 2011

This One...

Or This One...

Or Sometimes This One...


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Saturday, August 06, 2011

To Be Perfectly Honest...

...there weren't enough atomic bombs dropped on Japan...

I Love THIS Lucy...


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