Thursday, December 31, 2009

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!!

Which do you think there's more of?











The PAST...?

Or the FUTURE...?

Thursday, December 24, 2009

NEW WORDS FOR GROUPS OF THINGS #7 (CHRISTMAS EDITION)















NOG-LOAD.

"Wow, Jim, you were pretty drunk at the office party last night!"

"Tell me about it. I think I drank a nog-load of bourbon."

"Did you know you got fired?"

"What?"

Simply Having a...

Friday, December 18, 2009

It's Friday... AGAIN??!!

Bless you, Pope Gregory XIII and the wonderful calendar named after you!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

How is this not sexy...?


Alexis Dziena in "Fool's Gold."

Friday, December 11, 2009

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Selling Out to Survive


















Selling Out to Survive

Only Hipster Douche-Bags (in their $200 "Thrift Store Style" jeans) and Olds get this pissy when hearing songs in commercials. BFD! If your head-thinker can't separate the commercial version of the song and the version of the song that actually meant something to you, then you should be listening to records of squirrels fight. (I say "records" because obviously you'd sniff at anything that "not pure vinyl.")

Sometimes the mixture of the song + commercial leads to some good art: like a couple years ago and that awesome Hummer commercial with "Happy Jack." It was like a mini-Wes Anderson movie! And Nick Drake would probably kill himself if he'd missed that marketing opportunity to pair "Pink Moon" up with Volkswagen! (Yes. I know. It's called "irony." Ask your teen-aged kids.)

In the purest sense, as soon as a musician offers his "art" in exchange for money he's a sell out. And unless you know some musicians who'd prefer to live in a tent made out of bark and eat nothing but squirrels, every musician out there is technically a "sell-out."

So let these people make money the best way they can, and you keep downloading their music for free on the interwebs.

Seacrest, Out!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Pray For Sarah


Order now as a companion to your CafePress "Pray For Obama" items!

Come visit my store on CafePress!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

HIROSHIMA = PEACE


Hopefully, the Japanese People will never again become so brutally vile and horrific that they need to have an Atomic Bomb dropped on them. Peace Forever!

Friday, November 06, 2009

Watch JONAS this Weekend...!


Directed by one of Hollywood's Bright Young Talents!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I Had a Dream Last Night...














I was at the Racetrack...



... with Henry Kissinger and his 20-year-old fiancee...








...her mother and brother...








...and Tom Brokaw and his agent.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

GLENN BECK RAPED AND MURDERED A LITTLE GIRL IN 1990!





Holy CRAP!! Check THIS out!!!

http://glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com/

The shocking thing is Glenn Beck isn't DENYING this!! I am a huge fan and I can't believe this is true, but the more he doesn't deny it, the more more guilty he appears. Just like Glenn Beck accused President Obama regarding accusations of Socialism/Muslimism/Communism/Kenyanism/UFOism/etc.ism and then said Obama MUST be guilty because he won't deny it!

GLENN BECK, don't let us down!! Please answer these accusations against you!! And really beat the Liberals at their own game... just like you refused to accept the Governor of Hawaii's confirmation of President Obama's U.S. birth records, show them that you can play by your own rules and not accept legitimate police records provided by official police sources!!

Friday, October 09, 2009

NEW WORDS FOR GROUPS OF THINGS #6


A BUMBLE OF BEES...

"Hey, Jacques, why so out of breath?"

"I was being chased by an entire bumble of bees!!!"

NEW WORDS FOR GROUPS OF THINGS #5


A PUKE OF LIVER (COOKED)...

"Awww, Mom. How much of this liver do I have to eat!?"

"You have to eat the whole puke, dear, or you go back in the hole."

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

NEW WORDS FOR GROUPS OF THINGS #4


A SHELF OF DVDS...

"I have to return some DVDs to the rental store."

"How many do you have?"

"Jesus, a whole shelf, I think."

Sunday, October 04, 2009

NEW WORDS FOR GROUPS OF THINGS #3


A SCRIBBLE OF PENCILS...

"How many pencils do you need?"
"We're gonna pull an all-nighter, so I'll probably need a whole scribble."

THE WOOLLY BANDITS

Best band at the Eagle Rock Music Festival yesterday!

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Friday, October 02, 2009

NEW WORDS FOR GROUPS OF THINGS #2


A KABOODLE OF KITTENS...

"Did you see all those cute kittens!?"
"I know! There was a whole kaboodle of them!"

NEW WORDS FOR GROUPS OF THINGS #1



A SCRUM OF PUPPIES...

"The Hendersons have, like, a SCRUM of puppies over at their place!"

Thursday, October 01, 2009

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY'S BOGUS TOP 25 LIST OF "CULT" TV SHOWS...















http://www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20302134_20304619,00.html

Isn't this just another EW list with a made-up topic so that the editors can brag about basically *their* favorite shows? I thought a "cult" show was one that doesn't play well across the board, sometimes with critics -- mostly with mainstream viewers, but is appreciated by a small group of die-hard fans. "Off-Beat" (as mentioned in the article header) isn't the same as "cult."

"Buffy?" Really? A cult show? Wasn't that a huge hit for the WB? And "X-Files?" Sure, it's purposefully made to *seem* like a cult show but it practically helped put FOX on the map. The show it was imitating, "Twin Peaks," is a cult show. "Venture Brothers?" A huge hit for Cartoon Network... also the animated "Tick." The live action "Tick...?" Now THAT'S a cult show, as was "Get a Life." "Prisoner:" a cult show. "Dr. Who:" a MASSIVE hit that's been running for, what, 45 (45!!!) years? When is this no longer a cult show? Maybe around year 25... 26? "Veronica Mars" was a GIANT hit for UPN until it started sucking, and low-numbers-due-to-suck + a hot chick does not equal "cult." Isn't "Chuck" STILL ON!? Trust me, NBC does NOT broadcast "cult" shows.

"Battlestar Galactica," the show that launched SyFy channel into the medium/big leagues, a cult show? Now that's just silly.

BUT the ONE omission that makes this entire list null-and-void is the lack of "Arrested Development." That sea-sick inducing, shakey-cam'd, barely tolerable bowl of beloved "preciousness" is a true cult show, no matter how much you might hate it.

Good night, god bless...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

466 HITS!!!

Only two blocks down from the Devil!!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Steampunk?


Oh, Steampunk, you're SO precious! I especially loved you back in 1985 when you were called "Terry Gilliam's Brazil."

Sunday, September 20, 2009

MEGAN FOX BOMBS! (Diablo Cody Becomes Just a Little Bit More Invisible)




Thank you, God of Movies. After its VERY low 5th place finish now we won't have to watch any more of those brain-numbing "Jennifer's Body" trailers. (Unless they come up with a "#1 Crappy Vampire Movie Starring a Piece of Sugarless Cotton Candy Wearing a Belly Shirt!" campaign. Oh, shit. Now I'm nervous.) And can we finally be done with Random Slang Generator / Champion Publicity Whore Diablo Cody? Pleeeeassse!?

I WANTED A "TICKLE-ME ELMO..."


...but instead I got THIS!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Finally Got the New Rock Band Game


Not sure what all the fuss is about though.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

ANATOMY LESSON #1

THIS is a VAGINA


















THIS is a TWAT...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

MORE THAN 200 HITS??!!

Thanks, Vistors!! Time to CELEBRATE! Here's a picture of a donkey, and puppy in a tree!




Monday, September 07, 2009

President Obama Speaks to Kids...!!!!????


Parents who aren't going to let their kids hear President Obama's speech on Education... thank you for being JUST AS RETARDED as the Republicans were hoping you'd be. Please ask your kids (or even the family dog) for some enlightenment -- obviously they are WAY smarter than you can ever hope to be.

Friday, September 04, 2009

FINAL DESTINATION - 4

Enjoy the gentle comedy, and then check out: http://www.youtube.com/user/wendymccolm

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

All Hail the "Birthers!"


It all simply boils down to one irrefutable fact: U.S. Citizen Obama is the duly elected President of the United States.

Any military personnel who refuse to deploy when ordered by their CinC are disobeying orders and should be punished appropriately.

There is more evidence that Obama is a U.S. Citizen than there is that George W. Bush actually won the 2000 election so in reality, EVERYTHING the Bush Administration committed between 1/2001 and 1/2009 can be considered a crime, not just the ACTUAL crimes they committed in our names.

The "No he isn't! / "Yes he is!" fight is as petty and irrelevant as any you'd find on an elementary school monkey-bars.

It's not about birth certificates (because honestly, Birthers, you know you're not going to accept ANYthing as final proof, am I right?) and it's not about the latest wwrglblrgl Sarah Palin (bless her heart!) is drooling. It's about the bait-and-switch.

The politicians (especially the NeoCons) LOVE it when we get into these arguments because it distracts us from the real problems in this country that they're not fixing while they rob us blind.

If you believe that Obama's not legally the President, or that his health plan has secret "death panels," or that his policies are "Socialist," then you are just as stupid as your Congressmen and Senators were hoping you were.

If Senator McCain had won in 2008 can you imagine the shiat-storm of scorn and revilement these same birthers would be flinging on anyone who questioned HIS citizenship? At least Obama was born in the United States! (McCain being born on a US Navy base in Panama isn't enough to make him a citizen, it's his parents. Same as Obama and HIS mother for you Birthers who need to go all the way to an Indonesian birth to make your crazy math work.)

So Birthers, let's just drop this insanity and get back to fixing the country. And if you can't drop it, at least get out of the way so the rest of us can fix the country for you, while you hang out with your mental equals: Bigfoot Hunters, Alien Abductees, and Glenn Beck.

On second thought, I think Bigfoot Hunters probably have more going on upstairs than Glenn Beck.

Rage-filled Right-Wing mouth-frothers may now line up on the left to rebut.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

"It Was 70 Years Ago Today..."












"Hi, Poland? This is Germany. We think we left our wallet in Warsaw, mind if we come over and look for it? Just take a minute..."

Monday, August 31, 2009

AUGUST 31st

Finale!!



and, just because I love this one so much...


I hope you enjoyed the trip. I know I did!

AUGUST 30th

Glamorous...!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

AUGUST 29th

100+ Visitors! I'm all pixilated!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Thursday, August 27, 2009

BONUS!

Here's a bonus video, because wiggly dogs are always fun...

AUGUST 27th

Fancy!

AUGUST 26th

What a romantic story...!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Monday, August 24, 2009

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Saturday, August 22, 2009

AUGUST 22nd

Homemade...!


AUGUST 21st

As we head into the homestretch of our "Hooked on a Feeling" marathon, let's now enjoy some talented people and their lip-syncing / video skills...

Thursday, August 20, 2009

AUGUST 20th

COMPILATION BREAK! Awwwwwwwwwww!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

AUGUST 19th

COMPILATION BREAK! Another curious combination of elements...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

AUGUST 18th

COMPILATION BREAK! While searching for some decent covers of "Hooked on a Feeling," I found a couple of bizarre compilation videos. How a certain song can trigger certain visual necessities in certain people blows my mind. I guess some people can put 2 & 2 together and get something way not 4.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Friday, August 14, 2009

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

AUGUST 12th

Harmonica!!


AUGUST 11th

Cool take, too many commercials...

Monday, August 10, 2009

AUGUST 10th

While technically not a true cover of "Hooked on a Feeling" I think on this special day we need to see the best rendition of all...

Sunday, August 09, 2009

AUGUST 9th

Barely tolerable...

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Friday, August 07, 2009

AUGUST 7th

Normally I hate STOMP (if I have to listen to those friggin' push-brooms one more time) but these guys aren't STOMP... barely...

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

AUGUST 5th

Bjorn Skifs, from Blue Swede, taking his hit in a whole new direction...

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

AUGUST 4th

There is something mildly disturbing about this one...

Monday, August 03, 2009

AUGUST 3rd

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!

AUGUST 2nd

Oh, so close...! Jonathan King points us in the Right Direction...

HOOKED ON A FEELING OF SUMMER!

One of my favorite songs when I was a kid was "Hooked on a Feeling." Not the kinda-gay B.J. Thomas version; I mean the TOTALLY gay Blue Swede version. "Hooka-Chucka" indeed. Please to enjoy a month's supply of covers. (I'm a little behind already, so the first post will include August 1-3) And because the only way to go from here is up, let's start with the (yawwwwn) original...

Saturday, June 27, 2009

The Pixies are Twee!


MAYNOTLAST: Sorry, Haters... (Wildcatfan82, I'm looking at YOU over my laptop while I sit here in Starbucks pretending to be a writer) but when I want a stew of contrived, pretentious twee-ness I put on a White Stripes album: Retro-vinyl, of course. Whaaat!? (Now I'm pounding the air above my head with my palms.) Gotta run -- Zach Galifianakis is on Conan!

TANTRUM: Way off the mark, dude. You are unfamiliar with the term "twee."

MAYNOTLAST: Ahh, thank you. But you probably didn't understand -- I was using it to describe the Pixies. Next...?

TANTRUM: Yeah, the Pixies aren't twee. Nirvana isn't twee. Belle and Sebastian is twee. Hence, you sound foolish..

MAYNOTLAST: You're right, Nirvana isn't twee. But the Pixies are. Frank Black calling himself "Black Francis" nails THAT case shut. (Although can you blame him? He'd be run out of every carefully crafted dive bar in Hipster Heaven with a zaftig moniker like "Charles Michael Kittridge Thompson IV.") And don't worry, I can sound foolish on way more important topics than these fauxsters. I'd like to discuss Sonic Youth, but I'm afraid my computer will explode with the bile and hatred spewed by all you "opened-minded" musicologists.

Gracias & goodnight.

(and then Wildcatfan82 told mommy on me and I can't post at Fark:Music for a while)

Friday, June 26, 2009

Mama's Got a Brand New Bag


Hallelujah! Auntie Sarah's found a new scam to foam-up the Retarded Right. Thanks to the spot-light boost on her faux-outrage over Letterman's jokes, I have a sneaking suspicion that most 2012 Presidential Race press conferences, blogs, pundits shows and "town hall meetings" will now be peppered with Nazi-con plants, shooting pre-approved "distasteful" questions at the candidate from Alaska so she can be "outraged" and "concerned" about the dangers confronting "real america."

Friday, June 05, 2009

Worst "Take Your Daughter to Work Day" EVER














Heinrich Himmler and his daughter Gudrun on a Concentration Camp tour.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

When I Close My Eyes...


...this is what I see...

...And God Spoke


The way-cooler original poster...

Friday, May 22, 2009


"Pretty Girls
with pretty curls
Have lots of time to spare

But only pretty boys
with Lots of toys
will get to see them bare"

Monday, April 27, 2009

Times Square, baby!

video

New from "JONAS!"

The Pizza Girl in this new video from "JONAS" is supposebly dating John "Fuckin' Lucky" Mayer.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Danielle Ate the Sandwich

Words to Swear By...















"The reason women find the word 'cunt' so offensive is because they don't have a comeback for it. If some guy calls her a 'bitch' a woman can just call him an 'asshole.' But if he calls her a 'cunt' she's flummoxed, there's no equal response, and thus the word must be fanatically tagged with faux-offensiveness if women are to retain the higher-ground."

-- Anonymous

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

FINISHED!


And then there's the Crew Photo. Can you find me? No. No. Nope. Over a bit. No. Nope. Uh uh. Up one. Back one. Down two. No. Oh come on, I'm RIGHT there! No. No. Oh forget it!!!!

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Oh. Yeah. Um...


Is it wrong that this is sexier than it should be...?

The Happy Puppy


They're so cute when they drop dead while playing with a little yellow mini-ball! Awwww!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

What America Is

THIS...



...is NOT America.

THIS...






































IS WHAT AMERICA IS!

THANK YOU, ACTUAL AMERICA!
(PHEW!)
 

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