Sunday, October 31, 2010

Sunday, October 24, 2010


I'm finally watching "Funny People." 12 minutes in -- so far, pretty great. Still think Leslie Mann only works because she let's Judd Apatow fuck her. Jury out.

time for another martini

39 minutes in. Still Awesome. (I know that commenting on a movie's progress every few minutes might not indicate a compelling movie but "Funny People" is working out just fine... so far.)

(FYI go see "Jackass 3D" this weekend)

Leslie Mann is back at 1:04 into "Funny People." She must be AWESOME in the sack, because she sucks ASS in the movies.

In what universe does a guy watch Leslie Mann and think: "How did I let you get away!?" She reminds me a razor sharp needle you might jam into your cock.

‎"How could you cheat on me? I'm so hot!" says Leslie Mann's character at 1:05 into "Funny People." "Because I like fucking vaginas but not cunts?" is what Adam Sandler should say back.

Okay, now I see why this movie started to fall apart for some people. Leslie Mann is NOT a sympathetic "ex-girlfriend." She should only play the "shrewish ex-wife" who's trying to take Greg Kinnear for everything he's got, while his lawyer (David Schwimmer) fights for custody of the kids.

Any sympathy you might have for Adam Sandler evaporates as you learn he still cares for this brittle harpie.

Holy shit, I have to get off Leslie Mann's case. Except that her publicist seems to have forgotten she only appears in her husband's movies.

OK, the end.

FYI: at 1:15 "Funny People" still kicks ass.

Okay. I'm almost done. At 1:35 the movie's become so precious I almost want to puke. And sure enough, professional star fucker Leslie Mann would rather bang Adam Sandler's celebrity character than her own husband. What a whore.

I don't find a shrill bitch cheating on her husband with a celebrity to be "romantic" or "charming."

Okay... making sure we all think Leslie Mann's character is a complete CUNT just MIGHT be part of the story. Let's watch...

Nope. It's not. Adam Sandler's character is infatuated with this brittle ginch, while her adorable Australian husband, Eric Bana, is apparently a block of wood because he... speaks Chinese? Is Australian? Is rich? Not sure yet. However, if this is the road the movie's gonna take, I can see why it bombed. Adam Sandler's character is turning into a moron.

1:49. Now we're supposed to feel sympathetic for Leslie Mann and Adam Sandler because they're annoyed by her adorable husband who is enthusiastically trying to be friends with Adam Sandler? Fuck them.

‎"FUNNY PEOPLE??!!" Hideous, Obnoxious, Selfish cocky people!!

Okay, okay... I'm sensing Adam Sandler may be about to realize he's fallen in to a pit of self-centered cunt vipers. Maybe his character is about to be redeemed. But it's confusing. Another reason why this might have bombed.


Adam Sandler deserves to get the shit beat out of him, for letting that bitch manipulate him like that.

FUCK THIS MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's pissing me off!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone in this movie is a complete douche-bag EXCEPT the guy who's SUPPOSED to be a douche-bag, Jason Schwartzman!!!!!!!!!!!

Adam Sandler does NOT redeem himself that the end.

This Movie Blows.

Friday, October 22, 2010



"Did you watch any TV last night?"

"Nah, there was a twatfull of cunts on every channel."


Sunday, October 17, 2010

RIP TV Mommy...

When we were little kids in the 70's my sister and I were in a big fight. She screamed at me: "You'd be a better brother if you learned more lessons from 'Leave it to Beaver!!!'" At the time I responded by taking a beat, then dropping to the ground and rolling around holding my stomach, tears of derisive laughter squirting out of my eyes. But now I look back and think solemnly to myself: "You were right, Sis... so very, very right."

Saturday, October 16, 2010

In a Perfect World...

Try to Remember We All Live in the SAME America...

Sleep Tight, "Patriotic" America, and dream your dreamy dreams about the "Good Old Days" with your beloved Leader. Meanwhile, the rest of us here in *Actual* America will try and fix all the things he and his fraternity buddies drunkenly date-raped in the back seats of their daddies' cars - while the cops got paid to look the other way - and attempt to make sure we all still get to live in a country where things like Freedom of Speech, Religion, and Assembly are a Right and not an invitation to be arrested as a Terrorist.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Wow, SNL Sucks...

I gotta say, I'm the Biggest SNL Apologist around, but this new season blows more than Harry James on Betty Grable's vagina-trumpet.

Once Jane Lynch fails next week, I predict Lorne Michaels will pull the fire alarm and call for an R.E.H. (Rapid-Emergency-Host) trifecta of Steve Martin, Alec Baldwin, Paul Simon.

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