Thursday, March 25, 2010

Friday, March 12, 2010

Glenn Beck's Balls

It's time to start understanding what America is actually about, from things like our Constitution, rather than what Glenn Beck reads on the back of his balls.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Be Afraid, Actual America... Be Very Very Afraid...

THESE are the people who are out to Destroy EVERYTHING Good about America...

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Oh, Please...

3/4's of the books on that list are pieces of shit anyway, so no duh the movies were better. Talk about shooting fish in a barrel.

And with the other 25%, the article's author has his head up his ass. ("Fear and Loathing" the movie better than "Fear and Loathing" the book? Entire list automatically null and void.)


10. Precious
9. Jumanji
8. There Will Be Blood
7. Ordinary People
6. The Witches
5. Black Hawk Down
4. Das Boot
3. Cocoon
2. The Player
1. The Poseidon Adventure

I'd come up with 10 more but I'm probably mad about something else by now...

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Palinomics 101

"You betcha!" (is America fixed yet? Okay, let me try again.) "You betcha!"
(now? Okay, one more time) "By golly, you betcha, hope-y change-y!"
(There. Fixed. No? Fuck it, where's my FOX money?)


VARIETY (Hollywood) "James Cameron to begin production on docu-drama based on his experiences at 2010 Oscars. Tentatively titled 'Ow! My Balls!'"

New Scientific Discovery!

This month's National Geographic has an article titled "Journey to the Center of Ann Coulter's Vagina." This is one of the pics the scientists were able to get...

Friday, March 05, 2010

Princess Aiko unable to go to school after boys treated her harshly+

Wow. Two things. I know "Emperor of Japan" doesn't have the same cache it did before August, 1945 but in what universe does the FARKIN' EMPEROR OF JAPAN have to ask permission of his grandkid's school to release info about his grand-daughter being bullied?! And second, WHAT UNIVERSE are those boys' parents going to have to move to when the Japanese learn their little sushi-turds have been bullying the Emperor's grand-daughter??!

Monday, March 01, 2010

Hope This Helps, Ms. Dorson

Why I Regret Voting For President Obama

by Jill Dorson

Don't you worry your pretty little head, Jill, honey. Those of us who voted for Obama -- not for me, not for you, but for America -- will see this through to the next round. Just know that by voting for Obama, you voted the American Nazi Party (formerly the Republican Party) out of power, and that was Good Enough.

You see all the Rightwing-nuts who've responded to your article? They're called "the Retarded Minority," and the frothy spittle that flies out of their usually open mouth-holes is ACIDIC! Like those dinosaur things (or what THEY call "Jesus Horses") in "Jurassic Park." By voting against Sarah Palin, (and apparently accidentally for Obama. I can't really tell from your article. "Obama turned out to be a hard-working politician struggling against mouth-breathing pinheads instead of the Magical Half-Unicorn Elf-Man from Pandora I was expecting and now I can't have sex?" At least that's the best I could make from it.) Anway, THOSE Rightwing, tea-bagging Republitards are the America Haters you helped protect our country from. People like FRankG, Cupcake, and jpsbman who are eager to hold America down while the Nazi-Cons try to tushy-rape us again.

Here's another way to put it. Remember "that" scene from "Deliverance?" The Sarah Palin fanatics / teabaggers / Republitards are the hillbillies drilling Ned Beatty ("America") from behind. I know, I know, picturing America as Ned Beatty is hard enough, but everyone who voted for Obama, including you...? We're Burt Reynolds, with a bow-and-arrow!! And not just ANY Burt Reynolds... we're 1972 Burt Reynolds! So in 2010/12, when the Right tells you to help make America "squeal like a pig" for them, try to be Burt Reynolds one more time. And pretty soon you get to be in an even COOLER movie and make out with young Sally Fields!

Now before you get the vapors just go back to your settee, grab some hummus and tofu chips (50% off at Trader Joe's!) and put "Ellen" back on. Take a deep breath. There... feel better? We'll take it from here...


When the original source is SO BRILLIANT that even a director as talented as Tim Burton can't get a grip on it until he's allowed to "re-imagine" it, you know there's gonna be trouble up ahead.

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